Shipwreck
by SmellyCat2004
Summary: Raindrops were falling on his head. He was outside the same door. Again. Because of her. Because of Meredith oneshot MD may continue. Please R&R.
1. how can this be the end:

Shipwreck:.

Disclaimer:. I do not own any of the characters from the show Grey's Anatomy… except for McSteamy. Well, I can dream.

this is a one-shot story, although if I get a big response, then I do plan on continuing it. also, this is my first GA fanfiction, although I have written multiple others, so please be kind and leave suggestions, plus likes and dislikes

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The raindrops were falling on his head, soaking through to his scalp, making his head numb. Although, he wasn't quite sure if the feeling was from the sheer cold, or something else, something much deeper that was harbored in his soul. He was in the same position he had been so many times before, standing outside that same, rustic door. And once again, it was raining. It was like an omen. Good or bad, he didn't know. Maybe this time he would be wrong, and something good would come of his visit. Yep, he had screwed up big time. Then again, when did ever do things right? And now he was rambling on in his head, wondering what the hell he was still doing standing outside this door, and why he was here again… oh, yes, that's right. Meredith.

So he knocked. And he waited. Then, to his misfortune, her friend came to the door. Not **_her_**, her **_friend_**. And being the stupid, dumbfounded, complete idiot that he was, he stood there, expecting her to say something. Instead, she just stared him down, with a look similar to that of Bailey's, and that was saying something. A pause, and then to his surprise, the door was shut again.

It began again. He was shocked, coming all this way to be rejected; not by her, but by her friend. Oh, so they all hated him now.

He knocked again. And he waited again. Then, as the doorknob started to turn, and a face peered out from the crack, he saw yet another person who **_wasn't her_**. It was the other one. It looked like he was pretty pissed too. At that point, he knew that he looked like a jackass, and that the only way he was going to see her was if he continued to keep his trap shut and just walked right in. So, he reached out and pushed him aside, but only got one foot in before O' Malley's hand collided with his chest and pushed him back outside on the doorstep. However, this time, the door stayed open, only slightly though.

"I didn't open the door completely," George stated bluntly, looking daggers at him.

Confused, he replied, "Um, okay. Are you going somewhere with this?"

"Well, I didn't open the door completely, so **_obviously _**I don't want you to come in," George whispered, trying to make his point clear.

Suddenly, another head popped in beside his.

"What does he want?" Izzie asked.

Hilarious. They were talking about him in third person, as if he wasn't even there. This was going great.

"I think he wants to talk to her," George whispered.

"Does he know… well, you know?" Izzie asked.

"Well, thanks to your loud mouth I'm sure he does…"

"What, I didn't tell anyone!"

"Liar," George hissed.

Enough, he couldn't do this anymore, "Okay, can you just shut up for two seconds and stop pretending like I'm not here? I'm here. I want, no, I **_need_** to talk to Meredith. Please, can I… can I just come in?"

He watched as they looked at each other, contemplating what to do, and finally, Izzie spoke,

"Fine. You can come in, but she's asleep, so there's really no point…"

They waited for an answer, but he didn't give them one. He walked inside, into the familiar hallway. It was so unique, adorable... so, Meredith. If he could, he would spend every day here with her, alone on the couch, while she huddled against him. He sighed, unconsciously, remembering how it had been only two weeks ago. But things had definitely changed now.

He whipped around, "Upstairs, or down?"

George answered, "In there," nodding towards the television room.

They stood behind and watched from the corner as he made his way toward the couch. There she was, draped across the couch, a flannel blanket twisted around her. Her dark blonde locks spilled messily across her face, blocking most of it from view. As he came closer, he noticed that her normally bubbly and determined features had disappeared, only to be replaced with a miniscule frown. Her eyebrows seemed engraved in deep concentration, like she was pondering something in her sleep.

Carefully, he sat down beside her, and took in a few more of her features before looking to her friends and asking, "So, is she feeling any better?"

George sighed, "Hard to tell, she was like this when we got home."

"Poor thing," Izzie spoke softly.

There was a momentary silence, as he reached over to brush her arm with his fingertips. Then George nodded and left for what looked like the kitchen.

"So," he began, as he began idly playing with the hair framing her face, "Is it… true?"

"Is what true?" Izzie asked with perplexity, though she knew exactly what he meant.

"That she's…," he paused.

"Pregnant?" Izzie finished.

"Yeah… that."

"Yeah," she uttered.

"Yeah, okay," he mumbled, now taking her hand and softly twisting it around, trying not to wake her.

"So…" Izzie began.

"What?"

"Who's… I mean, is it yours?" she asked quietly.

"Who else's would it be?" he chuckled.

Izzie sighed, "It's really not that funny. She's in way over her head, while you're off trying to mend your 'Oh so perfect' marriage."

"Oh, believe me, it was a great joy to go from being in complete bliss with Meredith to hell nights with Satan…"

"Now _that_ was funny," she replied.

There was an awkward silence, while they both looked at Meredith.

"She needs you," Izzie said.

"I know."

"She could lose her job," Izzie stated.

"I know."

"She could end her career," Izzie whispered.

"I **_know_**."

"She loves you."

"I love her."

Izzie gave him a small smile, "I know… Well, I'm gonna go see what George is screwing around with. God knows he shouldn't be allowed in that kitchen… You leaving?"

He shook his head, "I think I might stay a while, is that okay?"

"Fine, just try not to wake her."

And with that, she walked into the kitchen, leaving him alone with Meredith.

He sat there, thinking about how foolish he had been. Here she was, the only woman who had completely taken his breath away, stolen his heart, and yet he knew that tonight, he would leave her, only to go back to his trailer and spend the night next to his wife. And he would think about her as he slept, wondering what life would have been like if Addison had stayed in New York.

Tentatively, he moved closer to her sleeping form and reached out to let his hand rest on her stomach. Hard to believe there was something in there, something a part of both her and him. It pained him to think about what she must be going through, such a strong woman, who now looked so vulnerable. And it pained him even more when he told himself that it was because of him.

Startled, he practically jumped off of the couch when he heard Izzie's voice coming from the other side of the room, "You know what I was thinking? I was thinking about how God tries so hard to keep us from giving into the Devil. And every time he sees us being tempted towards something that will ultimately make us fall to our knees, begging to go back to the way things were, he tries his best to make us see the light… Derek, you don't have to let her win. Please, don't let her make your life hell, because if you don't do what your heart tells you, then that's exactly what it's going to be. Hell."

That's when he saw the light. He saw the light, right there, lying on the couch. He saw what he was supposed to fight for, and what he was being forced to leave behind.

He stood up, and without a word made for the door.

"Hey, where're you going?" Izzie quietly called behind him.

He turned around and smiled, "I'm going to fight the devil."

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	2. we've only just begun:

Shipwreck:.

Disclaimer:. I do not own any of the characters from the show Grey's Anatomy… except for McSteamy. Well, I can dream.

thanks to the reviewers who have encouraged me to add another chapter to this story. although I'm seems like I'm getting excited over only a couple of reviews, because this is my first GA story, I have reason to be. unfortunately, this will most likely be the end for "Shipwreck", only because I honestly hadn't planned on adding anything to it from the beginning. instead, I am starting a new story which will follow the same theme as this, but I want to introduce four or five chapters before getting to "this" point. i hope that this chapter is pleasing nonetheless. also, on the show, I think that Addison may have already signed the divorce papers, but in my story, she hasn't

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Darkness enveloped the open field while he approached his… _their _trailer. The blades of grass beneath him crunched from the cold as he came closer, until the soles of his shoes hit the wooden steps that led to the door.

It was late, but thankfully he saw a light on inside, which meant that Addison was most likely awake. He needed to get this over with, because the longer he waited, the more his heart ached for Meredith.

His fingers, which were now slightly quivering, clasped the handle, and opened the door, its' hinges creaking along the way. He stuck his head around the corner before stepping inside, only to find a set of crimson lips and inquiring, shady eyes merely a few inches from his face.

"Addison?"

She laughed, "Can't fool you, Derek."

"Yea," he mumbled, as he walked past her, slapping his briefcase down on the table.

"Where've you been? I thought your shift ended at ten?" she asked him, her tone hinting that she knew he had been up to something.

"Oh, I went out. Had some things to do; besides, I thought_ your_ shift ended at eleven…"

"What's your point?" she questioned, her eyes starting to glow.

He forced a smile, "Oh, nothing, just that my watch (he paused to look down) says that it's eleven fifteen. Any reason you're home so early?"

"I finished before I expected, and I thought maybe you could use some company," she said, casually walking over to the small couch which was stuffed into the corner of the trailer.

"_So_, what's up? I mean, you seemed kind of preoccupied at work today, like you were worrying about, I don't know, something or other…" she began.

He whipped his head around, "Look, Addison. The small talk really isn't going to work right now. You know just as well as I do what people have been saying around the hospital."

She sighed, "Rumors. That's all they are, Derek. You shouldn't waste your time worrying…"

"God dammit, Addison! Have you ever taken the time to think that maybe I _care_ about her? That maybe I have a reason to worry every now and then?" he interrupted her, practically shouting.

She began to fume, "I'm sorry, maybe I was concerned with the fact that you barely pay any attention to me. I'm your _wife_, for god's sake! Don't you ever worry about how _I_ feel, or are you too busy dreaming about your precious intern?"

"That's the point! Don't you see what's been happening? It seems like every week we get in a fight over this; over me wanting to be with her once in a while. Well, I'm happy to tell you that from the moment _you_ made your way into the picture, I haven't been able to be within five feet of her! She's heart-broken, and it's all because I chose you over her!"

Addison frowned, "Are you saying that you made the wrong choice?"

This time he sighed, "No. Yes. I don't- I don't know. I figured I needed to give you another chance. I just wanted to see if we could make it work again."

"That was nice of you," she spat.

"Addison, enough; this has gone on too long. Things have changed, and I have a new life; a life without secrets, or without pain. I have the chance to be happy, for once, without feeling miserable at the same time. And I'm sorry, but I'm not going to let you get in the way. You've screwed things up enough as it is, so here," he reached into his case, grabbed a folder, and thrust it into her lap, "Sign these."

"Are- are you serious?" Addison stammered.

"What, do you think this is some kind of joke? We can't keep putting ourselves through this misery. She needs me…"

"I need you," she stated, her face sincere.

"Really? Because the truth is, I've never felt like _you_ needed _me_. Somehow, it's always been the other way around. Even when I needed you most, you were gone. I told myself that I was wrong, but once you and Mark- well, you know- things became clear," he paused. "Ever since then, I haven't felt the same way about you…"

"So, you don't love me then?"

"Addison…"

Her eyes started to tear, "No, really. It's… fine."

He reached over to touch her lightly on the shoulder, "I did. I _did_ love you. And sometimes I think that I still do… but not the way I love her. I've never felt something like this for someone before, and I'm sorry that I can't love you like I love her."

She smiled, "Well, who can say we didn't try?"

"That's right."

They both stopped for a moment, just to look into each others eyes one last time. Sure, the passion and the lust that had once been there was long gone, but it was hard to think that after all they'd been through, it was finally over.

"She's pregnant, isn't she?" Addison spoke, whispering.

Derek nodded solemnly.

"Good luck, then," she patted his shoulder, "I always knew you'd be a great father someday."

"Thanks."

She slowly rose from the couch, "Well, I think I need to sleep. Mind if I sign them in the morning? I'll be on my way then, back to New York I suppose…"

"You have arrangements, somewhere to stay?" he asked, concerned.

"Yea, I'll figure something out."

"Ok, then."

He watched as Addison walked towards the end of the trailer, and closed the bedroom door behind her. He could hear her rushing around inside, changing into her pajamas, and then the bathroom sink running, as she washed her face, brushed her teeth, etc. It was funny how simple things like these used to entrance him, and now all he could help but think about was her, Meredith.

For a while, he just sat there, thinking about what his life had been like, and would it be like now. Then, he rose from the sunken-in couch, went to his bedroom, and laid down next to his wife for the last time.

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He stood there, rocking back and forth on the balls of his feet, outside of that door. The one he had been outside of so many times before. The one that was so cold, plain, and completely emotionless, yet it felt like home. Maybe it was because of what was behind the door that made it all worthwhile.

His hands wrung themselves in circles, and he took many prolonged breaths before knocking. Then he waited. Déjà vu? Perhaps, but this time something seemed different. And as he remained outside, drumming his fingertips on his belt, he wondered who it would be this time. Which one, Izzie or George? Or maybe their other friend… what was her name? Christina? Maybe even Alex? But it wouldn't be her. No; it was never her.

It took some time, but finally he heard soft footsteps on the other side. The door cracked open, and a curl of sandy blonde hair fell outside into the open, soon joined with a set of lips and two eyes. No, the lips weren't crimson. They were a light, natural pink, almost glowing. And the eyes, well, they certainly weren't dark, or threatening; instead they looked tired, yet at the same time curious, with a light blue sheen to them.

"It's you," he breathed.

"And it's you… I mean, what do you want?" she spoke, surprised.

"Did I wake you, I shouldn't have come so early…" he mumbled, not letting that dreamy smile leave his face.

She sighed, "It's okay. Things were a little bit crazy last night, so I didn't get much sleep anyway."

"Well, is everything okay?"

"Well, George thought there was a raccoon outside his window, and him and Izzie woke me up at two o' clock screaming like idiots, so…" she laughed nervously.

"What a pair," he smiled.

They stood there, Meredith absentmindedly playing with the zipper on her sweatshirt; Derek waiting to break the silence again. For a moment, he almost forgot that there was a reason that he was there, because every moment he looked into her eyes, he lost all sense of time.

"Do you mind if I come in?" he asked.

She hesitated, "Derek, I- you probably shouldn't be here… I mean, I don't want to cause any problems or anything…"

"Believe me; you have nothing to worry about. I just, kind of need to talk to you about some things."

"Please, Derek. I really don't want to talk about anything… I can't handle this right now," she pleaded.

"I know," he stated bluntly.

Frustrated, she put her hands on her hips, "Know what?"

"I know you've been avoiding me, and that you're not telling me how you really feel."

"How I really feel about what?"

"Us."

"What about 'us'? I think I've made it quite clear how I feel, and you haven't really seemed to care anyway. What more can I say?" she explained, trying not to let her emotions take hold of her.

He paused, "Close the door."

"What?'

"Either you come out here, or let me come in, because right now you're letting the cold air in."

"Fine," she hissed, opening the door a little bit further, and then practically slamming the door behind her once he had come in.

How cute, he thought, as she stood there in her pajama bottoms and Dartmouth sweatshirt, her hair sticking out here and there, while her eyes were focused on his, slightly narrowed.

"Well, what do you want?" she whispered, a little annoyed.

"I came over last night."

"Oh, why?" she questioned.

"Bailey told me that you had left early; you weren't feeling good or something. I wanted to see if you were okay," he said.

She faked a smile, "Oh, well I'm fine."

"Meredith, don't think you can fool me."

"What are you talking about, just because I don't feel spectacular _every_ day, you suddenly freak out and wonder what's wrong?" she was fuming.

He reached out to put his hand on her shoulder, "Shhh, calm down. I know, it's okay."

Meredith tensed, He couldn't know, could he? Of course, there may have been rumors around the hospital, but people lied and changed things around… surely he wouldn't have believed them.

"What?" she asked him, hoping he was talking about something else.

"Well, when I was here last night, Izzie kind of… talked to me, and…"

"Derek, this was a bad idea," she interrupted him, turning away. "I really need to get some sleep."

Quickly, she headed for the staircase, but he grabbed her wrist forcefully, and pulled her back towards him.

"Meredith, it's okay. Please, don't be scared about this, I'm here," he whispered, soothing her.

Slowly, she turned around in his arms until her face was almost touching his. Her eyes were watery, and her lips were quivering. This was a Meredith he had never seen before, so shaken and distressed. He brought his hand to the small of her back and held her close, while his other hand softly stroked her silky hair. He would take care of her.

"Th- this isn't what my life's sup- supposed to be like," she sobbed. "I'm not the kind of per-person who's born to be a mother, Derek."

"Well, that's what I'm here for," he smiled.

"No, no… you chose _her_. Don't you understand? There's n-no way that you can be a part of this," she sighed, hot tears streaming down her face.

"I may have chosen her, but I _love_ you. I want to be here for you, to help you through everything that comes your way. I want _you_, Meredith."

She gently touched the side of his face, and outlined his jaw, "We can't…"

"No, Meredith. Addison and I are over. The papers have been signed; she's leaving for New York today. I couldn't keep lying to myself, because no matter how hard I wanted to fix my marriage, I couldn't keep telling myself that I don't love you; because I do… I love you."

Instantaneously, he pulled her body up against his and let his desperate mouth collapse onto hers. There was passion, romance, and a longing for one another like he had never experienced before; it was the best damn kiss he'd ever had in his entire life.

As he pulled away, his eyes twinkled with happiness and complete bliss. Finally, this moment was his. And as he turned to look out the window, he saw the sun's rays streaming through the dirty, antique glass. It was almost like an omen.

Fin:.


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